Later Dated Saturday, November 29th

Dear Fearless Leader,

I am a parenthetical heretic. When life gets too stressful, when pressure is too much, when I have emotions to numb, I open a parenthesis. I pick a predictable sin and plan out my rebellion. I announce with a slap in the face I'm opening my parenthesis. God and I are on a break. Anything I do after the parenthesis is open doesn't count. And I get my money's worth.

When I feel the ache of the broken relationship, I close the parenthesis by asking for forgiveness, and the whole episode is shipped infinitely east. No harm, no foul.

But there is harm. I'm becoming the hypocrite, the pharisee profiting off the loopholes I've created. I'm disingenuine, poisoned, and sad.

You are the fearless leader, but I follow with fear. I'll only go so far, and I trust my parentheses above all else. But you are the God of each moment, and my life is a continuous whole. Time can't be stopped or divided. You live in every part of my life, the good and the bad. I wish you didn't. It would be easier if you ran and hid from my evil, because then I'd know I wasn't hurting you. But if you hid from my evil, I couldn't be saved.

Because you love me, you are everywhere. No parentheses can keep you out.

Your Servant,
BJ