Dear Fearless Leader,
On rare occasions the noise of the world floats high above me; I find myself alone and listening to the blood pounding my ears. I know the emptiness inside me. It is a portal into hell. Underneath my skin, under the bones and the layers of cold and silence I wrap around my heart, under the laughter and the occasional sting of love, under the layers of longing, and under my fear, there is a mirror. That mirror can show me no lies, and to look into it is hell.
I've always known how to turn a blind eye to my faults. I've always known how to make excuses for myself. I've always known how to defend myself. But how do I forgive myself? Is it possible to forgive anyone else if I don't fogive myself? If I condemn myself and do to others as I would have them do to me, what choice is there?
I am forgiven because of your sacrifice, your blood. But with each new evil, I must ask, "Is the blood strong enough for this?" With every glimpse of the mirror, my faith in you must grow. I must always look for love.
Your servant,
BJ
1 comments:
I have a picture in my head of forgiveness that one day I should like to try to draw... it is from the very core of me and every time I try to imagine the pencil strokes, I can't breathe. Grace & Love walk hand in hand in my life, I am just the shell. The mirror you hold to yourself is torqued by fears and insecurities. That is why we must hold the mirror to others, so they can see what we see. It is how we love... and that I do.
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